its so weird.

i see my life all around every second, and i feel so illiterate, still trying to understand and learn.

and always i just feel i am becoming even more illiterate, every second i realize something and i feel i haven't know it at all and i become lonely.

its all dark all around, i am trapped in the darkness, no where to go, i cannot see anything, i cannot feel anything, i am just lost in the oblivion, nothing exist.

why is this happening to me, why do i feel so lonely.

when i look at my mom, i feel she is still struggle but why she has done enough and i don't want her to worry anymore, i wish i could take all her pain she still has in her heart.

and i wish my dad could just give it up everything to me and relax, but i have not grown up enough to take it all.

i see so many smiling faces yet i look for the saddest face which can make me find answers for my question, but why the saddest face,

why do i look at the people for their sadness may be because in my heart i only have sadness, don't know what that sadness is about.

i have been good all my life, with all my decision because i haven't regretting any mistakes in my life and every mistake made my decisions the right ones.

yet there is something is missing, i am wandering to find that something i did right and it is not right.

i wish i could go to the past where that something that i did right, i wish i could that right decision to wrong, then may be i would not feel so sad.

but i don't even know what i did so right, that changing it not possible.

but the only thing on my mind is a soulmate,

i have been searching for years, in everyone, i want to trust, but i can't.

i doubt everything, what is this doubt all about, what is that i fear.